I WANNA BE A PASTOR

SECRETARY 1:
Good Morning Sir, Welcome to Careers-R-Us. How can I help you this morning?

MR FLUGLE:
This is a Vocational counseling agency?

SECRETARY 1:
Yes sir, It certainly is. Now, was there a particular career field you had in mind, or were you interested in our "Voc. Search Program"?

MR FLUGLE:
No, that won't be necessary, you see, I know just exactly what I want to do.

SECRETARY 1:
Well, a man of decision. We like to see that. So what career path have you decided to pursue, and how can we be of assistance?

MR FLUGLE:
Well I want to be a pastor, and all I want to do is find out how t go about becoming one.

SECRETARY 1:
I'm sorry. I believe I misunderstood you. I thought you said you want to be a pastor.

MR FLUGLE:
That's right.

SECRETARY 1:
You mean that's right that I misunderstood you of course.

MR FLUGLE:
No I mean that's right, I want to be a pastor.

SECRETARY 1:
Well, um this is a little irregular. We've never had anyone with this request before.

MR FLUGLE:
You mean you can't help me?

SECRETARY 1:
No I don't mean that at all. It just means we will have to depart from our normal forms. Now let me take down some information. First, What is your name.

MR FLUGLE:
Herbert Flugle

SECRETARY 1:
OK, What denomination are you interested in?

MR FLUGLE:
I don't know. I hadn't given that any thought. I guess it doesn't really matter

SECRETARY 1:
OK then, Do you have any seminary training?

MR FLUGLE:
No.

SECRETARY 1:
Is your father a pastor?

MR FLUGLE:
No.

SECRETARY 1:
Any relatives in the ministry?

MR FLUGLE:
No.

SECRETARY 1:
Have you been counseled in this direction by a pastor?

MR FLUGLE:
No.

SECRETARY 1:
Well do people ever seek you out for spiritual guidance.

MR FLUGLE:
(Pause as if remembering an affirmative answer) No.

SECRETARY 1:
Could you tell me what church you attend?

MR FLUGLE:
Attend?

SECRETARY 1:
Yes attend. Go to, belong to, worship at. You do go to church don't you?

MR FLUGLE:
No.

SECRETARY 1:
Now wait just a minute. You want to be a pastor.

MR FLUGLE:
Yep.

SECRETARY 1:
But you don't go to church.

MR FLUGLE:
Nope.

SECRETARY1:
Have you ever been to church?

MR FLUGLE:
I've been to some weddings.

SECRETARY 1:
You've been to some weddings. Mr. Flugle Can you please tell me how you received the call?

MR FLUGLE:
Call?

SECRETARY 1:
Yes the call. You know, a sign from Heaven, an angelic messenger, the Still Small Voice, a vision, a dream, writing on a wall, A BURNING BUSH!

MR FLUGLE:
Well no I guess not, I…

SECRETARY 1:
Mr. Flugle Can you just tell me one thing please?

MR FLUGLE:
Of Course.

SECRETARY 1:
Why in the world do you want to be a Pastor?

MR FLUGLE:
Two main reasons. First you get to wear nice suits.

SECRETARY 1:
Nice suits.

MR FLUGLE:
Oh yeah.

SECRETARY 1:
I'm not sure I want to ask; but the second reason?

MR FLUGLE:
I'm not sure how to say this so it comes across right…

SECRETARY 1:
Try me.

MR FLUGLE:
Well, it's… it's easy.

SECRETARY 1:
What?!

MR FLUGLE:
Sure. They only work one day a week. Then all they have to do is talk for an hour or so, then they shake hands with people, and go home. I'm surprised you don't have people lined up around the block trying for those jobs.

SECRETARY 1:
(Stares at him with disbelief)

MR FLUGLE:
So what do I need to do?

SECRETARY 1:
(Takes a deep breath) We recommend that all our clients spend a day or two observing someone in their chosen field; just to be sure they see what's involved. I know just the church where you can learn about your chosen vocation. Here's the address. (Hands him paper) (Mr. Flugle walks to other side of stage where Secretary2 and man2 already sit)

SECRETARY 2:
(Talking on phone) Thank you for calling River of Life Fellowship. How can I help you? (Pause) No Pastor Jack is not in; he's studying for Wednesday night's sermon. (Pause) Yes I'll tell him that you called. Thank you have a good day. (Turns to Man2) I'm sorry to keep you waiting, who were you here to see?

MAN 2:
I have an appointment with Pastor Bill.

SECRETARY 2:
Oh yes Pastor Bill said you would be here. He asked if you wouldn't mind waiting for about 5 minutes or so. You see he's right in the middle of leading this homeless fellow under the overpass to The Lord. He apologizes for making you wait.

MAN 2:
Oh no problem at all, that's certainly more important than what I have to meet with him about. But as long as I'm here, is Pastor Scott available?

SECRETARY 2:
I'm afraid not, at least not for another hour or so. He's down at the computer repair shop picking up some new network software. See he's kind of our Computer Pastor as well as children's Pastor.

MAN 2:
Pastor Jon?

SECRETARY 2:
Sorry, he's at the hospital right now…

MAN 2:
Oh no, what's wrong?

SECRETARY 2:
No, no he isn't IN the hospital, he's at the hospital visiting the mother of one of our congregation. Then He has to hurry back to his other office. He holds down a secular job as well you know.

MAN 2:
Wow, no, I didn't know that. That's OK, I'm sure Pastor Bill will be here shortly, I'll just wait.

SECRETARY 2:
Now then you must be Mr. Flugle.

MR FLUGLE:
Ah, yeah how did you know?

SECRETARY 2:
Oh, the lady at the Vocational guidance office called and told me to be expecting you. So, you want to be a pastor.

MR FLUGLE:
Well yes, I think… that is I…

SECRETARY 2:
Unfortunately most of our pastors are unavailable at the moment. The only one on church grounds is Pastor Jim.

MR FLUGLE:
Well could I meet him?

SECRETARY 2:
Do you have a wrench?

MR FLUGLE:
A wrench?

SECRETARY 2:
He left instructions that he wasn't to be disturbed unless the person brought a wrench with them. You see, he's under the Masters Commission bus right now working on the transmission.

MR FLUGLE:
I think I'll pass on that.

SECRETARY 2:
OK. Well I'm sorry that none of our pastors were available for you to spend time with today. Would you like for me to give you a rundown on some of their responsibilities?

MR FLUGLE:
That would be nice, if you don't mind.

SECRETARY 2:
Well to begin with, all of our pastors have counseling responsibilities, as well as time spent in prayer, and study. Then there's Pastor Jon, our care pastor. He also spends a lot of time visiting the sick and dying in hospitals and at their homes. He is in charge of organizing the church's small groups, as well as teaching leadership training classes.

MAN 2:
Not to mention his secular job.

SECRETARY 2:
Then there's Pastor bill, our Administrative Pastor. He oversee's the church budget, and as if that isn't enough all by itself, he also must spend time preparing study materials for the classes he teaches.

MAN 2:
And he also is in supervises the one on one workers.

SECRETARY 2:
That's right, and he is always on standby to lead someone to the Lord. Now Pastor Scott is our children's pastor.

SECRETARY 1:
and

MAN 2:
(Together) Enough said.

SECRETARY 2:
He leads a room-full of children twice every Sunday, not to mention overseeing all of the Sunday school teachers and curriculum. He also performs weddings, and has supervised the "Growing Kids God's Way program.

MAN 2:
And don't forget the computer stuff. Oh and Hallelujah night, I think he's almost recovered.

SECRETARY 2:
Pastor Jim works with the teenagers, and as if that's not enough, he also leads our Masters Commission program. They're always busy with some sort of outreach program whether to a school or nursing home. Oh did I mention working on the bus?

MAN 2:
And look at all the weddings he's been doing.

SECRETARY 2:
And then there's Pastor Jack. He's responsible for pastoring over 1500 people. He spends countless hours in prayer and study to prepare for 3 different sermons for 4 services each week. And as the leader, his desk is where the buck stops for complaints. And he must take the brunt of criticism from the flock and from outsiders. He also must counsel difficult people at times.

MAN 2:
Yeah like sister Bucketmouth.

SECRETARY 2:
Now, now, we don't want to be gossips do we? As all of our pastors, he is a role model as husband and father for the congregation to look up to, and also like the rest of the pastors works incredibly hard to maintain the highest level of integrity.

MAN 2:
And he also makes killer Latte's (Man1 has slipped away, back to the first office.)

SECRETARY 2:
Mr. Flugle? Now where on earth did he go?

SECRETARY 1:
Oh Mr. Flugle, you're back. How was your meeting at the church? Did you learn about becoming a pastor?

MR FLUGLE:
I think I've changed my mind. I think I'd like to look into something a little less stressful, like Lion tamer, or Astronaut. Yeah they just have to let the computers do everything. Or maybe…

Copyright © 1998 by Robert J. Lee

Performance Rights

Anastasis Productions Logo
Back to Scripts Page