I Was Only Joking

I WAS ONLY JOKING

PHIL: Wow this has been a great time you guys.

JANET: Yes, thank you both for such a lovely evening. And what a great idea to have Chinese take-out.

SALLY: Well I sure wouldn’t want to try to top what we had at your house last month.

STAN: Boy, I’ll say! Janet if that wasn’t the best pot roast I’ve had in the past five years, I don’t know what was.

SALLY: Oh yes Janet you’ve got to give me your recipe. Here, Sit down. (Points to patio chairs)

JANET: Oh sure, it’s something my mother showed me.

PHIL: Yep, I’ve got to watch myself around her or I’ll end up looking like the side of a house. Janet’s got all sorts of tricks to make a meal out of whatever happens to be in the kitchen.

STAN: Sally’s got a few tricks of her own.

JANET: Oh? Like what?

STAN: Like being able to serve gravy in slices. (Stan and Sally both laugh)

SALLY: That’s a little joke we have after one Thanksgiving when I let the gravy sit on the stove a little too long.

JANET: Ooh I hate when that happens. (Giggles)

STAN: We call her "Chief Cook and Executioner. (Laughs at his own joke) Hey that’s ok Hon just think of it as keeping all the antacid companies in business.

JANET: Stan you’re awful.

STAN: Aw she knows I’m just joking. Don’t ya sweets?

SALLY: (Laughs with a little less enthusiasm)
Well you’d better watch it I might hide the Rolaids next time.

PHIL: So Sally, how do you like your new car?

SALLY: I love it. It has cruise control, and…

STAN: And blindfolds for the passengers. It isn’t as scary that way. Right Sal? But if you don’t like the way she drives stay off the sidewalk.

JANET: Oh now stop it. I’ve ridden with Sally before. She’s an excellent driver.

PHIL: I wish we could afford a new car. I’m not sure we can keep the old one running.

JANET: Oh Honey you do a great job keeping it going. It’s a good thing Phil can work on it. We’d be up to our ears in repair bills. It’s nice to be able to avoid new car payments.

SALLY: Well in our case, it’s probably cheaper to make the car payments. We call him Mr. Bad Wrench. Hey tell them about your famous oil change.

PHIL: What happened?

STAN: I forgot to put the oil cap back on.

SALLY: There was oil all over the engine compartment; what a mess. That’s okay dear. I knew I wasn’t marrying Mr. Fixit. (To Janet) Well at least he’s cute.

STAN: Hey you’re lucky. If I was an ace mechanic, you wouldn’t have a new car would you?

PHIL: Hey Stan come on over some time,. I can show you some tips. I’m not a pro or anything, but my dad showed me some stuff about working on cars.

SALLY: (Mock horror) No Phil! Don’t do it! When Stan gets tools in his hands, things break. One year he was going to change fixtures on the downstairs sink, and we could have given canoe rides in our basement.

JANET: Well at least you tried, right Stan?

SALLY: Run for the hills kids! Daddy’s getting his tools out! Just kidding dear.

STAN: (To Phil) Well at least this way she doesn’t interupt me during the football games to go fix something.

JANET: Oh look how the kids are out there playing. I’m so glad that they’re getting a chance to play together.

SALLY: Yeah. Ours are usually so shy around other kids. It’s good to see them come out of their shells once in a while.

JANET: Do you think Christina wants to join gymnastics with Susie?

SALLY: (Laughs) You mean little Stumblina Tina? That’s what Stan nicknamed her. No I don’t think she’s ready for high skill activities at this stage. Besides she really doesn’t have the self confidence.

PHIL: How about Matthew? Do you think he’d want to try out for Jeremy’s football team? They’re still signing kids up.

STAN: Naw. We tried to get him interested in team sports but it just seems to stress him out. I can’t figure it out. I used to beg my dad to let me try out for teams.

PHIL: Hey look Matt’s going out long. (Like a sportscaster) Jeremy drops back, see’s Matthew in the open. Pumps, eludes one tackler, then another Oh what a pass!

STAN: (Reacts to dropped pass) Oohhh! Dropped in the endzone. (Laughs) Chalk up another one for Teflon Matt, with the non stick hands. That’s okay Teflon. You’ll get one, one of these times. Hey Matt, Where are you going? C’mon back, I was only joking you know that.
(Eyes follow his son across stage, then he turns to Phil and shrugs)

SALLY: (To Janet) Your kids seem so positive and well adjusted. I just don’t understand why Matthew and Tina have such a hard time feeling good about themselves.

(Lights fade to black)

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